It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
