A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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