fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
