take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
