Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
