i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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