you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize