Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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