Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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