I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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