i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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