I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
