Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Someone signed my nipple.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
