you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
