Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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