Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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