CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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