Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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