I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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