Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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