There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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