Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
