If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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