ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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