Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
