Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I've blown a few things in my day
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
