Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
