Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she smelled like a LAN party
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
