So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
