i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
