Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
