she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
pray to the hookup gods
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
