good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
