i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
