How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
