I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
