no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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