oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
