Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
