there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize