Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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