Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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