Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
