what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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