I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
