you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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