Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
