fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
