Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
