I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
