guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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