and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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