Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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