We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my shit smells like andre
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
