Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
