when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
