ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think my fart just growled at me.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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