I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
