I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
