Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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