I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
