your room smells of hookers.
And success
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
