I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize