The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
