Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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