hotel room ftw
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Acid is not a monday night drug
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
