Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
