i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
