I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
