Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
