no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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