I got chris browned last night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
